i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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