Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
