i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
