So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
