That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
