the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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