I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
