I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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