at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
