Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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