wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
