So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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