There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
