we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
