i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
