I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
porn star boner night. come get it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
