Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
