When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
ttyl tear gas
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
