after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
