hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think my vagina is haunted
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
