Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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