Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
