There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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