I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
