Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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