I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The air was thick with penises
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
