New low: just hacked my moms facebook
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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