I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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