Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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