so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There r osticjed everywhere
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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