ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
