tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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