I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
