Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
