I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
