Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You can't just leave with hair like that
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
