Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
