Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
