Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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