and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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