is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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