Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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