wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
