Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
