Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
