A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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