I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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