don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
