I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Two words: blizzard sex
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
