There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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