my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
