I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
