come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
